Time for this week's confession.

It's only Sunday.  I know. 

Technically, this confession comes from last week, but I had a confession blog on Wednesday.  I wanted to give it a little space.

Tonight's confession:

I have no faith.  Like none.  

There are a handful of people who I trust.  Jesus is not one of those people.

(feeling better about yourself yet?)

But, late last week, He shocked me.  He did what I've been telling myself since August was impossible.

Last August, we learned who Coralynn's teacher would be.  And, we learned that she was 7.5 months pregnant.  I was so sad because this meant Coralynn was going to have multiple teachers. Last year, she had 2 teachers and 3 teacher's aides.  That's a lot of change for a 5-year-old.  I didn't want a repeat, but here we were again.

The sub came in October, and I fell in love with her warm disposition and her teaching excellence. She was exactly the kind of teacher who makes Coralynn thrive.  The minute I met her was the minute I began to dread March when she was going to leave.

As the year progressed, we started the teacher aide shuffle.  We're on number 3.   (I think.  It might be 4.)  We had a couple of PE teachers.  We had 2 or 3 students move away.  It really has all blurred together.   

Because I'm pitiful, this made me decide that Jesus didn't care about Coralynn.  (That is not my favorite sentence ever.)  


March 24th was supposed to be the sub's last day.  On Wednesday, we got word that she was going to be staying on another week.  Thursday, we found out the sub would be staying for the rest of the school year.

I haven't cried that many happy tears in a long, long time.  Waves of relief washed over me.  And, finally, I felt like Jesus was trustworthy in the day to day.   I understood that He cares about the little. I know all the holy people who are reading are totally judging me that my faith in Jesus shouldn't be based on me getting what I want.  Thanks.   

My weakness needed me to know- in a tangible way- that Jesus loved Coralynn.  He met me where I was.  And, I love Him all the more for it.

To growing in faith!


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