A Few Little Promises

If I haven't mentioned it before, you haven't been paying attention.  J/k.  If I haven't mentioned it before, I am a ponderer.  I can't help but think through everything every which way.  It's just how I'm wired.  But, being a ponderer requires more time than I've had recently.  I wasn't surprised that being on vacation allowed me the opportunity to dig into my life.  In doing so, I've realized that I had a lot to ponder!  And, I needed to make a few promises to myself.  (Maybe this is three-thing Tuesday?)

1.  I will journal at least 5 minutes a day.

Writing is my lifeline.  It allows me an outlet for the never-ending thought parade that runs through my mind.  It centers me enough to make it through an entire thought- from beginning to end.  It slows me down so that I can hear from the Lord.  He and I will work through my thoughts together.  It's easier for me to go deeper with Jesus if I'm writing.  It releases frustrations and tensions that I'm carrying.  (On the cruise, Tony and I got a massage.  The therapist explained, firmly, that we needed to find a way to relax and unwind.)   My neck and shoulders need me to journal.

But I don't make the time.  Partly, that's because blogging had become my writing focus.  I like blogging, but I don't lay everything out here in the blog.  No one should put all her thoughts in a public space.  Partly, my lack of time comes from wasting time.  I like to believe that TV or Facebook help me relax.  I've come to realize they make me black out.  I come to no more relaxed- just more tired or with more thoughts to ponder.

So, I'm trying to get my time and my mind together.  I'm setting aside 5 minutes a day to focused journaling.   I'm not concerned about what time of day that I do it, but that I get it done.

2.  I will find time to read for fun.

I teach history because I love people's stories.  It's also why I read.  I want to know all the ins and outs.  It allows me to unwind without shutting down.  Reading also allows me to push myself, better myself, examine myself.  It's a ponderer's dream come true.  

Unfortunately, I'm a binge reader.  Over Christmas, I read about 1500 pages in about 10 days.  When the kids were little, I would get involved in a book during their nap times, and then, I wouldn't stop until I finished the book.  Tony would come home to total chaos.  He wasn't that husband that would argue with me or ask me what I'd been doing all day.  He'd just look around at the empty kitchen and messy house and say, "So, how was the book?"  Life doesn't really allow me to hole up for 4-5 hours to finish a book.

I need to learn to read.  And stop.  And read.  And stop.

So, I'm going to give it a try.  I read one book on vacation.  Fortunately, it was bad, so it made it easier to stop when I needed to.  This next book, well, it's hard to let go.  I was going to finish at 10 last night.  11:30 is close to 10, right?  It's a win because I didn't finish.  Maybe tonight...

3.  I will eat what I love.

Let's get this out of the way straightaway: I am not starving myself.  I eat PLENTY of incredibly healthy calories.  I do, however, severely limit the amount of fun food I eat.  And, that's really not very fun. Unfortunately, it can make me come to a tipping point and eat too much of something.   (I would like to introduce you to the 2.5 pounds I gained on the cruise.)  And, then I'm feeling icky.  It's not a healthy cycle, and since healthy is the key, I'm switching things up.

I'm going to eat some fun foods- but only the ones I love.  I don't love chocolate chip cookies.  I'm not someone who needs ice cream.  I certainly can live a fulfilled life without a coke.  I've also cut out alcohol.  

But, Los Angeles' Farmer's Market is the home of my absolute favorite almond croissant.  I don't remember when I had my first one, but I'm pretty much devoted to them.  I try to be mature and not drive directly from the airport to the stand to get one.  This trip I actually didn't buy one (three) until we returned to LA from our cruise!  I may or may not have (I did) apologize to the lady at the stand- who's always at the stand- for taking so long to come by.  I'm not sure why I thought she needed an apology. She seemed confused by it, but I felt a lift from the shame.  

What I don't want to feel ashamed about it eating my beloved almond croissant.  Or my equally beloved reuben.   I cruise for the reubens.  It's the whole point of the trip.  But, guess what?  Across from the almond croissant place in the Farmer's Market is a reuben place.  This is why I can't move to Southern California.  Tony couldn't afford my croissant and reuben habit.

All that to say, I want to be healthy and happy.  I want to fuel my body, but I also want to have some fun.  To run well, a sports car needs the right fuel.  But, what fun is a sports car if you never go 0 to 60 in under 3 seconds??  For me, the almond croissant or the reuben is my opportunity to hit the gas and go for it.

Off to polish off the croissant- and then head to the gym at 4:30,


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