As a high school teacher, I've dealt with my fair share of senioritis- that moment when formerly hard-working students become bums. Each year it hits different students at different times and manifests in different ways.
As we teachers discuss the hows and whys and the what nows, it makes me question if I'm finishing well. How often do I see a finish line and quit? More often than that is hitting the middle mark and quitting, believing that the finish line is never going to come.
Do I parent Coralynn with the same focus as I did Chloe? (I promise you my oldest would firmly tell you that Bitty's life is unfairly easy.) Do I put the same attention into my marriage as when we were newlyweds because the struggles are now so old? Do I still reach out to my friends, or have I stopped because it feels like I'm the only one trying? Have I gotten lax in my relationship with Jesus because the race feels to long?
I have no answers.
I do have lots of excuses.
I'm exhausted. I'm overwhelmed. I'm busy.
I wonder if I'm actually lazy and overextended. Or maybe I'm just a pretty-much-full-time working mom of 4 and this is normal? And maybe it's my act of love to first give myself some grace, and then to hug Coralynn and Tony. To phone a friend. And curl up with Jesus.
Not because I have to. Not because it's a sacrifice in my exhausted place.
But because those relationships are what breathe life into me.
I'm only 38. It's only February. It's only Tuesday. It's time to finish well.