Monday, March 11, 2013

Not everyone is going to understand.

This post that is.  Really, the only people who are going to understand are our Georgia friends.

But, I wanted to share anyway, because I learned something this weekend.

I've been parenting Chloe for almost 11 years now.  I have to constantly re-count because that doesn't seem possible.  She was born in 2002.  This is 2013.  Yes, that is 11 years.  I've mentioned before that she and I had a few tough years (decade), but things are so much better.  Mostly because I've shut up and started listening.

Really, really listening.  She isn't one to just pour out her soul, but when she asks a question or shares a sentence, it is something she's really thought through.  She's a ponderer.  And, she carefully selects whom she is going to say what to.  It's because she's deemed that person worthy.

She loves people, but she doesn't want them around all the time.  She needs to have the knowledge that she has good friends, but she doesn't need for them to be with her constantly.  She isn't interested in being the life of the party.  She really isn't interested in the party, at all.  She just wants to matter to her few, well-chosen people.  That knowledge, more so than nearness, makes her feel safe, loved, content.

Early Saturday morning, I had to parent.  And not the fun kind of parenting.  I had to sit Chloe down and tell her that someone important to her was moving from Panama.  I'd been praying about this conversation since Wednesday.  I took the news hard because I knew she would take the news hard.  I had to wait to tell her because I didn't want her to have to keep the non-public-knowledge news to herself, but I didn't want to wait too long for fear someone else would tell her.  I KNEW that would break the fragile trust she has in me.

Saturday morning came, and I told her.  I had people praying for my delivery of the information and for her heart receiving the news.  She just kind of tilted her head and said, "Ah.  That's sad."  Within minutes, she and Coralynn were tackling Tony.

I couldn't believe the total lack of drama.  Was it possible that my child who constantly finds herself surrounded by drama doesn't produce it herself?  I was shocked.  I knew there would be more from her as she processed, but the initial reaction surprised me.

Sunday morning, she came into my room.  No doubt about it, she had been pondering.

"Mom," she said.  "It's like losing Libby and Claire Batchelor all in one person."

I burst into tears.  Apparently, I have no problem producing drama.  I hugged her.  Tight.

And, she left my room.

*For the non-Georgia readers, Libby is Chloe's 11-year-old bff, and Mrs. Claire is Chloe's spiritual mentor and safe-to-talk-to grown-up.*

The rest of the morning and into the afternoon she was subdued.  I'd look at her and smile.  She'd shrug her shoulders.

I begged God to give her a drop of relief.   And He did.  Libby skyped.

Tony came in and smiled.  Tony also doesn't produce drama so this was big. 

He said, "She's laughing, Lis.  Really, really laughing."

I burst into tears again.  (I think we've proven where the drama comes from in this group.)

Thank you, Jesus, for that laughter.  And, thank for you for the worthy people you've put in Chloe's life.  She doesn't begin to see that You've always given her someone "for a time such as this," but thank you for each one.

Remember, I chose the word "path" to be my word for this year?  It looks like it's going to apply to Chloe, too.  As we walk through the next few months, I'm excited to see how Jesus is going to prove Himself a friend to her. I ask you to pray with me that she can find that special person for a time such as this. 

I think everyone can understand that.

2 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I fully understand. Love you and Chloe!

panaMOM said...

Thank, E! Love you, too!