Three-thing Thursday!
Today, let's talk about three things that drive me crazy about myself that I'm working on correcting!
1. My mood is too easily influenced by others' words and actions.
I firmly believe that our greatest strengths carry with them our greatest weaknesses. And, this is one of those cases. I am compassionate and empathetic. If you need someone to weep with you, or to celebrate with you, I'm your girl. I have no fear of emotions, and I'm completely willing to jump in the pit or the parade with you. Unfortunately, lots of times I jump in when no one intends for me to. I take too many comments and actions personally because I'm quick to feel deeply what I believe the other person is communicating. As usually happens, I was parenting one of my children the other day completely aware that I was talking to myself, too. "Son, you can't let some one's words affect you so deeply. You need to understand that they may not have meant it that way. Or that your own mood and insecurities played into how you took it. Or maybe they were just having a bad day and said something without thinking. Don't let it ruin your day." You, too, Mom. You, too.
2. I refuse to lose an argument. Ever.
This is great if I'm in a presidential debate, but since I'm too busy parenting to be president, it is just a pain. I'm not talking about being right or about being arrogant. It's about enjoying the mental aspect of a debate. I love hearing what the other person says, finding the errors in it, and pointing them out. And the reverse. I love hearing what I think is a great point be broken apart. It's really sport for me. Like the Mental Olympics. I've had a few friends over the years who were totally good with this. We all understood the mental fun found in the game because we all realized it was just a game. And, most of the time, I only play with those who understand the rules. I don't *think* my non-playing friends would describe me as disagreeable. (And there are times when I must enter into a confrontation that has nothing to do with the Mental Olympics.) Unfortunately for me, my husband is less in love with debating and would like me to just accept what he's saying and move on. Where's the fun in that, Hun?
3. For stuff that only matters to me, I lack follow through.
This one really bugs me. You need me to do something for you? I will. Twice. No problem. I'll sacrifice whatever was important to me in the process. And, I'll be frustrated mad at us both in the process. My husband told me one time that he was going to print a shirt for me that said, "My mind is saying 'no', but I'm going to tell you 'yes'." It's so true. I used to say "yes" to everything that was asked of me, but I refused to make time for the things that mattered to me. And this is not about Lisa the Martyr. Nothing to do with that. It's Lisa, the-lazy-bum-who-runs-out-of-energy-doing-everything-else-that-she-never-does-what-matters. It's partly about being lazy, and it's partly about being scared.
I've made progress on this. The summer before my senior year in high school I ordered my class ring. (Do people still *do* class rings?) I put the cross-country running symbol on the one side. I was not on the cross-country team, but I wanted to be so I put it on there for motivation.
Do you think I did cross-country that next year? Um. No. Do you think I even tried? Nope. It was easier to excuse myself than to try. That class ring has haunted me ever since. I tried to pawn it once, but Tony felt the ring was an important memory. (Next Thursday, things that drive me crazy about other people- sentimental feelings for not your stuff!)
17 years later, I managed to get up the gumption to run. 17 years! And I discovered I like it. (well, I have kind of a love-hate thing with it) More importantly, I discovered I can do it. And that I could have done it. Had I just tried.
I think it's time to go back through the "I wish I could" box. I don't want to wait another 17 years to discover that I am capable.
1. My mood is too easily influenced by others' words and actions.
I firmly believe that our greatest strengths carry with them our greatest weaknesses. And, this is one of those cases. I am compassionate and empathetic. If you need someone to weep with you, or to celebrate with you, I'm your girl. I have no fear of emotions, and I'm completely willing to jump in the pit or the parade with you. Unfortunately, lots of times I jump in when no one intends for me to. I take too many comments and actions personally because I'm quick to feel deeply what I believe the other person is communicating. As usually happens, I was parenting one of my children the other day completely aware that I was talking to myself, too. "Son, you can't let some one's words affect you so deeply. You need to understand that they may not have meant it that way. Or that your own mood and insecurities played into how you took it. Or maybe they were just having a bad day and said something without thinking. Don't let it ruin your day." You, too, Mom. You, too.
2. I refuse to lose an argument. Ever.
This is great if I'm in a presidential debate, but since I'm too busy parenting to be president, it is just a pain. I'm not talking about being right or about being arrogant. It's about enjoying the mental aspect of a debate. I love hearing what the other person says, finding the errors in it, and pointing them out. And the reverse. I love hearing what I think is a great point be broken apart. It's really sport for me. Like the Mental Olympics. I've had a few friends over the years who were totally good with this. We all understood the mental fun found in the game because we all realized it was just a game. And, most of the time, I only play with those who understand the rules. I don't *think* my non-playing friends would describe me as disagreeable. (And there are times when I must enter into a confrontation that has nothing to do with the Mental Olympics.) Unfortunately for me, my husband is less in love with debating and would like me to just accept what he's saying and move on. Where's the fun in that, Hun?
3. For stuff that only matters to me, I lack follow through.
This one really bugs me. You need me to do something for you? I will. Twice. No problem. I'll sacrifice whatever was important to me in the process. And, I'll be frustrated mad at us both in the process. My husband told me one time that he was going to print a shirt for me that said, "My mind is saying 'no', but I'm going to tell you 'yes'." It's so true. I used to say "yes" to everything that was asked of me, but I refused to make time for the things that mattered to me. And this is not about Lisa the Martyr. Nothing to do with that. It's Lisa, the-lazy-bum-who-runs-out-of-energy-doing-everything-else-that-she-never-does-what-matters. It's partly about being lazy, and it's partly about being scared.
I've made progress on this. The summer before my senior year in high school I ordered my class ring. (Do people still *do* class rings?) I put the cross-country running symbol on the one side. I was not on the cross-country team, but I wanted to be so I put it on there for motivation.
Do you think I did cross-country that next year? Um. No. Do you think I even tried? Nope. It was easier to excuse myself than to try. That class ring has haunted me ever since. I tried to pawn it once, but Tony felt the ring was an important memory. (Next Thursday, things that drive me crazy about other people- sentimental feelings for not your stuff!)
17 years later, I managed to get up the gumption to run. 17 years! And I discovered I like it. (well, I have kind of a love-hate thing with it) More importantly, I discovered I can do it. And that I could have done it. Had I just tried.
I think it's time to go back through the "I wish I could" box. I don't want to wait another 17 years to discover that I am capable.
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