August 19

Graduate school starts tomorrow.  I broke down in tears tonight.  I didn't even make it to the first day, and I'm already crying.  I just realized that I had an university e-mail address.  I just realized that I missed a scholarship deadline.  I just realized that had I not found it tonight and called the help line to break into it I would have already been behind.  I just read the syllabus.  I feel like I'm drowning.  I begged Tony to let me quit.  He gave me a hug.  And said, "no."  I'm not sure I can do this, but I'm going to try.

Because, I want to try.  I want to do this.  Today, I ran another 5k.  The race was marked wrong, so it was only 2.58 miles, but I finished.  I walked some, but I ran more than I normally do.  More importantly, I felt good.  My stomach didn't rebel this time.  That gives me hope that I can do more.  I'm planning on a 7k in October.  I want to be more than I think I can be.



That sounds sooooooooooooooo 13 year old girl.  Or like a Whitney Houston song.  Or like Broadway musical mush.  I hate musical mush.  I don't want to sing about hills being alive (dear Lord, I hate The Sound of Music).  I do want to conquer the voices in my head that tell me I'm not good enough.  I want to try.

And, if it doesn't work.  I'm still the proudest owner of the world's greatest dog.  What more do I truly need??



(Before I sign off, pray for us.  This week brought one major defeat after the next.  There's probably news to share soon, but for now, please pray that I remember that God is faithful, that He has it under control, and that He isn't looking to screw my family over.)

To admitting the ugly because it makes it overcome-able,
L

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