August 19
Graduate school starts tomorrow. I broke down in tears tonight. I didn't even make it to the first day, and I'm already crying. I just realized that I had an university e-mail address. I just realized that I missed a scholarship deadline. I just realized that had I not found it tonight and called the help line to break into it I would have already been behind. I just read the syllabus. I feel like I'm drowning. I begged Tony to let me quit. He gave me a hug. And said, "no." I'm not sure I can do this, but I'm going to try.
Because, I want to try. I want to do this. Today, I ran another 5k. The race was marked wrong, so it was only 2.58 miles, but I finished. I walked some, but I ran more than I normally do. More importantly, I felt good. My stomach didn't rebel this time. That gives me hope that I can do more. I'm planning on a 7k in October. I want to be more than I think I can be.
That sounds sooooooooooooooo 13 year old girl. Or like a Whitney Houston song. Or like Broadway musical mush. I hate musical mush. I don't want to sing about hills being alive (dear Lord, I hate The Sound of Music). I do want to conquer the voices in my head that tell me I'm not good enough. I want to try.
And, if it doesn't work. I'm still the proudest owner of the world's greatest dog. What more do I truly need??
(Before I sign off, pray for us. This week brought one major defeat after the next. There's probably news to share soon, but for now, please pray that I remember that God is faithful, that He has it under control, and that He isn't looking to screw my family over.)
To admitting the ugly because it makes it overcome-able,
L
Because, I want to try. I want to do this. Today, I ran another 5k. The race was marked wrong, so it was only 2.58 miles, but I finished. I walked some, but I ran more than I normally do. More importantly, I felt good. My stomach didn't rebel this time. That gives me hope that I can do more. I'm planning on a 7k in October. I want to be more than I think I can be.
That sounds sooooooooooooooo 13 year old girl. Or like a Whitney Houston song. Or like Broadway musical mush. I hate musical mush. I don't want to sing about hills being alive (dear Lord, I hate The Sound of Music). I do want to conquer the voices in my head that tell me I'm not good enough. I want to try.
And, if it doesn't work. I'm still the proudest owner of the world's greatest dog. What more do I truly need??
(Before I sign off, pray for us. This week brought one major defeat after the next. There's probably news to share soon, but for now, please pray that I remember that God is faithful, that He has it under control, and that He isn't looking to screw my family over.)
To admitting the ugly because it makes it overcome-able,
L
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