January 28

Carson finishing 5k and happy bulldog

Hi.  My name is Lisa, and I avoid adulting.

I much prefer carefree over grown up.

Tomorrow, I have not one but two adult meetings.  About jobs and kids and stuff.  And, being true to me, I'm sick to my stomach about it.  Neither meeting is *that* big of a deal, but I'm all tied up in knots about them.

If you were to ask me what I most miss about living in the US, I'd probably say mail being delivered to my house.  It's been years since I've received mail.  No amazon.  No cards.  No nothing.  But, the truth is, no matter how difficult that has been, it's not the worst.  The thing I miss most about the US- and I think it probably has nothing to do with the US and everything to do with God working some plan out in my life- is stability.

Life in Georgia was just about as simple as life could be.  I had 4 healthy kids.  If they got unhealthy, I had a pediatrician I trusted whose office was 15 minutes away.  AND, everyone in the office spoke English.  And there was always parking.

In Georgia, I home schooled my kids, so when I had to deal with students' parents, I was always only dealing with Tony.  If kids were being mean to other students, I sent them to their rooms.  Or, we worked it out over dinner.  In English.  With no cultural misunderstandings.

In Georgia, church was 15 minutes away and consistent.  We never had to worry about getting stopped my sloths or bicyclists on the narrow jungle road.  The kids had friends and programs.  We had friends and programs.  

In Georgia, I didn't have to plot out when to go to the grocery store to make sure I missed traffic.  I didn't have to worry about having my credit card not work or the items not scanning and being not sellable.  

In Georgia, we could go on vacation without being concerned about paperwork demands at the airport.  There was no worry about Homeland Security agents making up rules as they went along and thousands of dollars in airfare hanging in the balance.

In Georgia, I exhaled.  All the time.  Tension was always fleeting.  Life was simple.  We knew we belonged.  We knew what tomorrow looked like.  We had confidence that life was going to carry on as life always carries on.  The hardest decisions were made easier because the easiest decisions were never hard.

Panama isn't like that.  Between language and cultural barriers, between job and school uncertainties, and between traffic and constant chaos, our life can feel like too much.

We still have some easy.  My kids are still healthy.  We aren't living paycheck to paycheck.  We now have water reserve tanks.

But, I have no idea what tomorrow will bring.  Will it be the day that we find out that one thing has changed and now everything is different?  We moved to Panama for 3-5 years.  In March, it'll be 7 years.  Our family has never lived anywhere as long as we've lived here.  On March 17th, Carson will join Camilla and Coralynn in the "we've lived our life more out of the US than in" club.  It's all surreal.  

So, tomorrow I will adult.  I will go to meetings.  I guarantee I will cry.  But, Lord willing, I will also laugh.  And book a cruise.  And remember that in the dark and difficult times, the Light is always easier to see.

To all our tomorrows,
L