Word for 2020
I lasted posted to tell you that we were moving. June 19th, we officially became US residents once again. After this post, PanaMOM the blog will retire. It's been a heartfelt ride, but the season for the blog has ended. I'm not sure if anyone still checks it, but thank you for anyone who ever did. This blog got me through a lot of hard, confusing, and lonely times. I am grateful that you spent it with me.
2019 was a year like no other. It had the highest highs and the lowest lows, but as I stand on the precipice of a new decade, I can look back at 2019 with deep gratitude.
I took my children to Europe. We explored Amsterdam, Haarlem, and Brussels together, and together means more to me after this year than it ever did before.
We moved to the US. The long-coming, often dreaded, move to Illinois was exceedingly difficult, but we made it through. We still long for community and depth of friendships, but we feel home in our home here.
I have became aware of who my true friends are. I love everyone- even those people who walked away in 2019. Everyone who stepped in or out of my life in 2019 made me a better person. I am grateful for you. However, in the deepest parts of my soul, I am overwhelmed with unworthiness for the people who did stick with me. The people who stepped up and loved me in all the ugly phases of 2019. I have former students who I now consider friends. I have former acquaintances who are now priceless friends. And friends I always knew were friends but now hold a forever place in my heart. Between road trips and Marco Polos and Starbucks and WhatsApp phone calls, the Lord reminded me that even in times of loneliness I am not alone.
I tried to run away from education. I tried to tell myself that I'm not a teacher. I tried to become a travel agent. I am a teacher. The Lord made that clear. When I found the courage to step away from the travel agency, my future in education opened up. Obedience is hard, but it is worth it.
I went through a period of healing that was, at times, more painful than the experiences that caused the hurt. I thought I lost everything. The Lord showed me the depth of His reality, and everything else became shockingly unimportant. I forgave easily and fully. I lost weight and found laughter. I gave up anxiety in favor of peace. I slept soundly as life raged around me. From professional disillusionment to personal disappointment to parenting pain I would wish on no one, 2019 did everything it could to steal my faith and my hope and my peace. Jesus was victorious, and Light shined.
Brave was my word for 2019, and the #bebrave became not only my rallying cry but also my companion. I grew to adore bravery and how being brave is so worth it. I was let down by seemingly everyone in 2019, but the choice to keep walking, keep trying, keep loving bravely was always worth it. Saying goodbye to 2019 and #bebrave makes me emotional. Hard but authentic. 2019 was perfect.
As I look forward to what's on the calendar for 2020, I am expectant of an amazing year. My first baby graduates and becomes an adult. Son #1 enters into greater confidence of who he is and how he fits in this Chicagoland place we now call home. My #3 baby becomes a high schooler. Baby #4, well, she is ready for world domination. Watch out. For me, 2020 is going to bring professional challenges as I take on a new job at the high school and go deeper into graduate school.
With all this on my mind, I have been chatting with Jesus, and my friend, Mandy, about what my next word should be. I thought I wanted a word that was going to show how 2020 was to be the year that everything worked out well. How we walked into the fullness of understanding and sailed and smiled through life. We mulled over READY or VICTORY or FREEDOM. None of those were right because they all felt contrived or forced. This morning, I got the word. WEIGHTLESS. 2020 is the year I walk free of the burdens that I overcame in 2019. I get to live 2020 healed of nagging bitterness and pain. Even if everything crashes down again, I have lightness in my step because trials,faith, and perseverance have produced hope. This is the year I get to go and do because I know the One who has the plan. In 2020 I say, "good bye" to the hesitation that comes from lack of faith.
I pray that your 2019 has left you encouraged and eager. I pray that 2020 allows you to walk without the burden of disappointment or uncertainty or pain.
May your journey lead you to the Light!
And from the bottom of my heart, thank you for the last 10 years of blogging with me!
Lisa
2019 was a year like no other. It had the highest highs and the lowest lows, but as I stand on the precipice of a new decade, I can look back at 2019 with deep gratitude.
I took my children to Europe. We explored Amsterdam, Haarlem, and Brussels together, and together means more to me after this year than it ever did before.
We moved to the US. The long-coming, often dreaded, move to Illinois was exceedingly difficult, but we made it through. We still long for community and depth of friendships, but we feel home in our home here.
I have became aware of who my true friends are. I love everyone- even those people who walked away in 2019. Everyone who stepped in or out of my life in 2019 made me a better person. I am grateful for you. However, in the deepest parts of my soul, I am overwhelmed with unworthiness for the people who did stick with me. The people who stepped up and loved me in all the ugly phases of 2019. I have former students who I now consider friends. I have former acquaintances who are now priceless friends. And friends I always knew were friends but now hold a forever place in my heart. Between road trips and Marco Polos and Starbucks and WhatsApp phone calls, the Lord reminded me that even in times of loneliness I am not alone.
I tried to run away from education. I tried to tell myself that I'm not a teacher. I tried to become a travel agent. I am a teacher. The Lord made that clear. When I found the courage to step away from the travel agency, my future in education opened up. Obedience is hard, but it is worth it.
I went through a period of healing that was, at times, more painful than the experiences that caused the hurt. I thought I lost everything. The Lord showed me the depth of His reality, and everything else became shockingly unimportant. I forgave easily and fully. I lost weight and found laughter. I gave up anxiety in favor of peace. I slept soundly as life raged around me. From professional disillusionment to personal disappointment to parenting pain I would wish on no one, 2019 did everything it could to steal my faith and my hope and my peace. Jesus was victorious, and Light shined.
Brave was my word for 2019, and the #bebrave became not only my rallying cry but also my companion. I grew to adore bravery and how being brave is so worth it. I was let down by seemingly everyone in 2019, but the choice to keep walking, keep trying, keep loving bravely was always worth it. Saying goodbye to 2019 and #bebrave makes me emotional. Hard but authentic. 2019 was perfect.
As I look forward to what's on the calendar for 2020, I am expectant of an amazing year. My first baby graduates and becomes an adult. Son #1 enters into greater confidence of who he is and how he fits in this Chicagoland place we now call home. My #3 baby becomes a high schooler. Baby #4, well, she is ready for world domination. Watch out. For me, 2020 is going to bring professional challenges as I take on a new job at the high school and go deeper into graduate school.
With all this on my mind, I have been chatting with Jesus, and my friend, Mandy, about what my next word should be. I thought I wanted a word that was going to show how 2020 was to be the year that everything worked out well. How we walked into the fullness of understanding and sailed and smiled through life. We mulled over READY or VICTORY or FREEDOM. None of those were right because they all felt contrived or forced. This morning, I got the word. WEIGHTLESS. 2020 is the year I walk free of the burdens that I overcame in 2019. I get to live 2020 healed of nagging bitterness and pain. Even if everything crashes down again, I have lightness in my step because trials,faith, and perseverance have produced hope. This is the year I get to go and do because I know the One who has the plan. In 2020 I say, "good bye" to the hesitation that comes from lack of faith.
I pray that your 2019 has left you encouraged and eager. I pray that 2020 allows you to walk without the burden of disappointment or uncertainty or pain.
May your journey lead you to the Light!
And from the bottom of my heart, thank you for the last 10 years of blogging with me!
Lisa
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