38 364/365

Tomorrow's my birthday.

I love celebrating birthdays and not just mine.  I love making a big deal out of birthdays.

This year, I have a special appreciation for the milestone of my birthday.

And, I can't really explain it.  

Maybe it is looking at the heartbreak in Las Vegas, or

Maybe it's seeing the destruction of Hurricane Harvey, or Irma, or Maria, or the earthquake in Mexico.

It could be just an "I'm getting older" thing.

Also possible is that the Lord has spoken to my heart in a different way.

But this year, this birthday, I'm walking into October 5 with a sense of total amazed gratitude.

You know those moments when your heart is so full that you are fairly convinced it will explode, and you are totally okay with that because the love is too much to carry?  That was this picture. As you can see, Carson is in his basketball uniform having a piano lesson.  Pretty mundane, yes?

It's what you don't see in this picture that makes my heart happy.  First, Carson is dripping wet.  He's covered in sweat and having trouble catching his breath because he just finished a basketball game.  Like just finished- like 2 minutes before.  I love that piano holds (almost) as close a place in his heart as basketball does.

Speaking of basketball, did I tell you Carson is no longer a soccer player?  He ended last soccer season being carried off on the coach's shoulders after making a killer stop of a sudden death kick in the championship game.  I never guessed he wouldn't play again.  He shared this fall how conflicted he was.  He really wanted to play basketball, but he didn't want to disappoint the team that was counting on him to return.  We told him the decision was his to make.  We talked and prayed through it.  He made his choice.  His heart wanted to play basketball.  I cried.  Like a baby.  I didn't even know I cared about the decision.

But, the amount of emotional energy and time we'd committed to soccer was hard to walk away from.  And, to be honest, I knew the basketball team wasn't the same caliber as the soccer team.  I wasn't sure how he'd handle losing be destroyed every game.  Little did I know that the Lord was going to use this terrible basketball team to make my heart explode.

Carson's team is, in fact, terrible.  He's the youngest player, and the whole team is significantly younger than the teams they are playing.  And, he's having the best time!  He loves the physicality of it.  He loves the pace of the game.  He loves getting a chance for redemption every moment he plays.  

The team he played right before this piano lesson?  CCA- the school where I teach.  How is that for awkward?  Just to add to the tension of the game is the fact that CCA, by my calculations, should have won by 70ish points.  I'm serious.  That isn't an exaggeration.  I was afraid.  

Instead, CCA's coaches made decisions that were more about building character and less about total domination.  Carson's team lost by 50, and he loved every minute.  He scored 39% (welcome to my world with the Math Men) of the team's points.  He had a steal or two.  He made a free throw.  He was part of a respectable team that played against a respectable team- not in ability but in morality.  I had to pull him off the ceiling to have that piano lesson.  He was flying so high.

As I watched him sit there, dripping on the piano pedals, my heart exploded with a new, old thought.  

If I love him this much- me in my less-than-perfect state- how much must God the Father- Daddy God- love us?  If I can barely contain the love, how must Abba Father explode with love for us?  

Y'all sit back and take in that revelation.  Jesus love me this I know, but I didn't really know until I took a minute and saw my love for my son.  

I had a bunch more pictures and gratitude to show, but blogger rules say I've already gone on for too long.  Maybe someday I'll get around to posting the rest of them.  Regardless, let's spend tomorrow celebrating me (I just can't help but love birthdays) while remembering overwhelming Love!

To being a year older,


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